


Patience and Healing

by Cinn (Lilitia)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Feelings Realization, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22862236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilitia/pseuds/Cinn
Summary: After the events of Episode 9 they all need time to process all they've gone through, none more than Rey, and in the aftermath her friends want to give her the support she needs to heal.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Rey
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own no rights to any of the Star Wars universe. This is purely for fun and no profit etc. Don't sue.
> 
> Spoilers: definitely Episode 9. Other Star Wars Lore I'm familiar with & might allude to; Episodes 1 through 9, Rogue One, KOTOR 1 & 2.
> 
> Verse: Movie verse, and set between the last two scenes of Episode nine. The group hug & Rey on Tatooine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cinn: I didn't think I did romance fics or whatnot, but after Episode 9 I really want to write a Poe/Rey fic (I really hope their ship name is Prey). Though I default Poe/Rey & Finn/Rose, I am open to other ships. So no ship hate, please.
> 
> Also, I think this is the least confident I've been about characterisation for a while, so please point out any OOC.

* * *

It shouldn't be that unusual to hear shouting in a military base, certainly not a couple of days after such an important battle or one that resulted in multiple injuries and broken ships. Afterwards they had celebrated and commiserated in equal measure, but now they had the hard work of repairing their ships and their people. No one had needed rallying, they had readily and instinctively jumped to their duties and what they could help with.  
  
All of which made newly appointed General Poe Dameron quite happy, still not being used to being in charge of so many people, and though sharing the burden with Finn as a joint general helped, it was still a daunting prospect. It made both their lives easier if their people knew what they were doing and got on with it.  
  
Until he heard the shouting, but thankfully that didn't relate to his new rank. "You don't know what I'm feeling!" Rey retorted.  
  
"I would if you talked to me!" Finn shouted back.  
  
Rey set her jaw as she tried not to let the events of the last few days get the better of her control. "You wouldn't understand." She decided, grabbing a tool from the pile at her feet and jumping up to the engine hatch she has been inspecting.  
  
"Try me." Finn challenged.  
  
"Why? It's my business!" Rey snapped, before reining herself back in and turning from her friend.  
  
"We can help. I can help." Finn tried to assure her. "But not if you close us out." Rey ignored him as she fought with a stubborn valve. "You should know by now that bottling up doesn't help!"  
  
Rey screamed in frustration as she finally got the valve open, before dropping back to the ground, dumping the tools she had hold of and stalking off. Finn was about to chase after her but Rose caught his arm. "Let her go, Finn." Finn fought for a moment but Rose was stronger than her short frame made her look, before he finally gave up, shrugged her off and stomped off in a different direction.  
  
"Do I want to know?" Poe asked as he joined Rose.  
  
Rose sighed. "Finn wants to help, he always wants to help. But sometimes he doesn't know how and doesn't know when to drop it." She explained. "I'll keep an eye on him, keep him out of trouble." She added.  
  
"Thanks." Poe meant it, though he wasn't always conscientious enough to remember to say it. He didn't even need to ask the next question, Rose just pointed in the direction Rey had left in.  
  
"Just don't do any more damage?" Rose pleaded. Poe offered her a wry grin and squeezed her shoulder before heading to catch up with his friend.  
  
It was a weird turn about, usually it was him who Rey was engaged in a shouting match with. Finn - despite his history as a storm trooper - was the one with the big heart, he wanted to help and fix everyone. Poe was the grumpy old sod, rather than tell people he was worried about them he'd shout at them for being reckless. He knew better than to let people in, that was how people got hurt. Or as Zorii would say; trust gives people the opportunity to shoot you in the back.  
  
He found Rey halfway up a steep incline, sat on a ledge staring into the distance as she rested her hands on her knees. He frowned to himself, normally he wouldn't have a problem joining her, except that his arm was still slung up because of his blaster wound. Rey had offered to heal it, but he had declined as they didn't have time and she couldn't spare the energy. He'd be able to cope on medpacs and stims. However, Poe was nothing if not stubborn, and so after analysing the various foot and hand holds and potential paths, he worked out a way to join her, grunting with effort and pain as he tried not to let on.  
  
He was halfway up when he heard a reluctant giggle, and chanced a look at Rey who had turned to see what was making that noise. He almost forgot to hold on as he saw the amusement on her face, tinged with hopelessness at his reluctance to just ask for help. "I got this!" He promised, quickly reaffirming the grip of his good hand. Rey said nothing but continued to watch him work his way up until he joined her at the ledge. He was a little surprised that she hadn't just used the force to either pull him up or push him down.  
  
They sat in silence for a while until Rey sighed. "Did Rose or Finn tell you to check up on me?"  
  
Poe gave a wry chuckle. "I heard the end of the shouting match." He admitted. "Isn't it normally me you shout at?" He teased.  
  
Rey turned away, and pulled her knees under her chin. "I don't want to talk." She stated firmly.  
  
"I'm not here to make you." Poe assured her. "I'm here to let you know that if you want, I'm always here to listen, but I'll never try and make you." He explained and Rey nodded to herself. "But I don't think you should be alone right now."  
  
Rey scoffed as if to ask what he'd know about it, but she didn't tell him to leave. They just sat there together on that ledge until finally Rey couldn't hold back her tears any more, and buried her face in her knees. She had already cried, she had picked up Ben's robes after he became one with the Force and buried her face in as she cried in grief until she had found the strength to stand again. Since climbing back into her x-wing she had had so much else to grieve for, to hold on for, that she hadn't had any more time to grieve for the partnership she'd lost. That connection that had bound them, at first as enemies, then as allies. Even when he had been trying to draw her to the dark side, she had still felt a kinship with him, had tried to pull him back to the light. They had both given and taken as much from the other in their ordeal, when she had awoken in his arms after defeating Palpatine she had never felt like she belonged as much as she did right then, there was no one she had ever been as close to, no one who knew her or she knew so well, it felt right. She hadn't wanted it to be anyone else. But he had had to give too much of his own essence to save her, and it had broken her heart.  
  
Poe sighed to himself as she cried, she had given them an official report on what happened, but it had been light on details. They knew Kylo Ren had saved her life, but beyond that she hadn't given any further details of his involvement. But based on what he knew of their journey, and what she was refusing to say, he could guess. But Poe didn't need to know, all he needed to know was that she was hurting, and he shuffled closer to her so he could wrap his good arm around her shoulders, the only thing he could do to try and comfort her.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn't as simple as defeating an emperor, it never was. It was made easier by the imperial warships being networked, so that most had been destroyed when Exegol had been. However, there were enough First Order survivors trying to put down the rebellion, but they generally didn't get too far so long as they provided a swift response. The bigger problem was establishing a new, fairer power structure. There were supplies and resources that needed to be distributed, and trade routes and people to protect, and if they didn't work quickly raiders and scoundrels would fill the power vacuum they had created.  
  
The physical injuries from that battle had healed by now - though frequently replaced by smaller ones from new fights - but the psychological trauma was still healing.  
  
They had lost their beloved general, the figure who could have united the galaxy as the talks progressed on new leadership. They had all lost friends. Many had lost people they considered family. They had tried to grieve and mourn their losses, but the demands of the galaxy didn't wait, and their duty prevented them from just taking a month or two off to take stock and process. Too busy to do anything but keep going.  
  
But none had lost as much as Rey. She had died. When she emptied her mind - or tried to - she was startled back by echoes of memory from when her essence had started to become one with the Force. Enough to remind her, not enough to know what she'd experienced as she fought to stay alive and failed.  
  
Finn was still determined to make her talk. He had decided the reason she was struggling, the reason she was restless, the reason she was hunting down stragglers was because she refused to share her problems. Poe and Chewbacca were convinced that it was making things worse.  
  
"We could always throw one of them out an airlock..." Poe suggested as he entered new coordinates after they finished a supply drop. They could hear the raised voices in the common area from the cockpit.  
  
" _Rey wouldn't let you._ " Chewbacca roared.  
  
"Maybe I'd push her." Poe retorted, flicking a switch above his head. Chewbacca laughed. "Okay, assuming she didn't kick my ass in the process." He admitted.  
  
Chewbacca only laughed more. " _You'd still never push her._ " He eventually roared.  
  
Poe spared the wookiee a side glare before punching in the final computer commands and initiating the hyper-drive. "Fine, then I guess you want to go and break it up?"  
  
" _Only if you're too scared._ "  
  
"I'm not scared." Poe corrected quickly, and Chewbacca scoffed - or at least he was pretty certain that grunt was a scoff. "I'm not." Poe insisted trying to stare down the wookiee, though knowing that was a lost cause. "Fine." He admitted, checking the auto pilot and removing his head piece to head to the common area. Where Rey and Finn were still arguing. "Rey, you and Chewy are on dinner duty tonight." He announced.  
  
"Fine, get him out of my way." Rey decided, folding her arms.  
  
"I was leaving anyway." Finn added, stomping off.  
  
"Oh my." C-3PO added. "I had been hoping for them to finish for some time, but this seems worse."  
  
" _Go and talk to him._ " Chewbacca gently roared.  
  
"Me?" Poe asked, shocked, but Chewbacca just growled at him. "Okay, okay." Poe decided raising his hands in defeat, leaving the wookiee to talk to Rey whilst he tried to find Finn.  
  
There were only so many places quiet enough to take refuge in on the Millennium Falcon, so it didn't take Poe too long to find Finn. Finn's lack of imagination - or care - for a hiding place helped speed the search up too. "You coming to yell at me too?" Finn sighed.  
  
"I dunno, how shit do you feel?" Poe asked as he took a seat opposite.  
  
Finn gave a wry chuckle. "Pretty bad." He confirmed.  
  
"Then it sounds like I don't need to." Poe agreed. As much as he sometimes wanted to punch Finn for his tactless attempts to help Rey, he knew the other man had good intentions and that he shouldn't be too hard on him. He just needed to learn he couldn't steam-roll through.  
  
Finn scrubbed his hand back and forth through his hair in frustration. "I want to help her." He stated, rocking in his seat slightly. "All she has to do is let me in and I can help..."  
  
"If she's not ready for help, you can't force help on her." Poe reminded the other man.  
  
That didn't help Finn sit still. "I know." He admitted unhappily. "I just wish she'd tell me why she wouldn't let me help. I'd do anything to help her and she keeps shutting me out without telling me why. Maybe if I knew I could actually help..."  
  
Poe rather thought this was the problem, somewhere along the line Finn had forgotten he needed to consider Rey's viewpoint to be able to help her, probably because Rey rejecting his help made him want to help her more because it felt so wrong for her to close off to him. "She's hurting, and she doesn't mean to hurt you by pushing you away. But the more you try and force your way through, the more she's going to keep pushing." Poe explained as gently as he could, slightly irritated with himself by the fact that it still sounded like he was scolding Finn. "She's been through things we can't imagine, and she needs to come to terms with some of that before she can come to us for support. All we can do for her is gently remind her that we are here for her when she is ready, without expectations. Beyond that, what she needs from us is to carry on being her friends."  
  
"What? Act like nothing happened?" Finn almost demanded. "She died, Poe! I felt her slip away!"  
  
"And I can't ever know what that feels like." Poe almost snapped, locking away the part of his brain that was asking if it was anything like your heart stopping every time someone said those words, he was not going there. "But she needs normal, or at least as normal as she ever got. She needs to know that despite the fact everything has changed, some things never will. She needs stability and security so she feels safe enough to open herself up to the hurt she's been through."  
  
Finn was still restless, but sighed. "You think I'm a jackass, don't you?"  
  
"My words were stronger, but that'll do." Poe agreed and the two men shared a wry smile. "We all know you mean well, you just..."  
  
"Go about it like a herd of bantha?" Finn asked with a pained expression.  
  
Poe gave him a sympathetic look before nodding. "Yeah, pretty much."  
  
Finn chuckled to himself. "Okay. If you really, honestly think it's best. I'll stop trying to make her talk."  
  
"Just be her friend, like you have since we all ended up on this ship together." Poe corrected.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

"Worried the auto pilot is about to give out?"

Poe was halfway to his blaster as Rey's voice startled him out of his daze. He was in the cockpit staring out at the stars whizzing past their ship, he hadn't even realised he'd zoned out. Rey looked amused as she climbed into one of the other chairs. "No, it's just... peaceful here." He admitted, relaxing again. Rey's smile seemed to grow at the notion. "Even rugged generals need peace and quiet every once in a while." He cut in before she started teasing him.

"Is that why you told Finn to back off?" Rey asked quietly after a moment. Poe turned back to her ready to deny everything. "Someone made him realise that he doesn't need to try and help me every second of every day."

"Well, I think Chewy might've actually ripped a limb off if I hadn't..." Poe half joked, as if it were nothing. In fact they'd all been enjoying the relative peace and quiet over the last few days. Rey had started to smile again as she and BB-8 gently coaxed D-O out of its cone shaped shell. He was also fairly certain she was getting a certain amount of amusement out of Chewbacca always being him and Finn at dejarik. Though neither Finn nor Poe knew how the wookiee did it, he was also fairly certain it was to their advantage the wookiee always won.

All in all, things had seemed relatively, well, normal.

"Or you'd have shot him." Rey corrected, her lips twitching into a smile again. "Thank you." She added sincerely. "I... I needed the space."

"He meant well..." Poe didn't really know why he said that.

"I know."

A silence fell over them again as they both watched the stars. "Was there something else you wanted?" Poe checked, chancing a glance back at the Jedi.

"Peace and quiet." Rey replied, glancing back at him with a soft smile, which Poe briefly returned before the companionable silence settled over the cockpit again.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, if I'd been thinking properly I would have posted chapters 3 and 4 in the same week as they're both really short. Instead, I feel bad for posting two short chapters in a row, so I'm adding both 4 and 5 this week.

* * *

"What were you thinking!?"

"What was **I** thinking?" Rey demanded incredulously. "What were **you** thinking!?"

Poe narrowed his eyes at the young Jedi in front of him. The defiant, fiesty woman who was demanding he explain why he'd - admittedly, but not out loud - done something incredibly stupid to save their lives. "I asked first." He decided stubbornness was his best bet at surviving this encounter.

Rey set her jaw, they had had this conversation before. More times than she could count. It always started the same way, each demanding the other explain themselves and stubbornly refusing to be the one to give ground first. "You destroyed our speeder!" Poe briefly glanced at the wreckage. "And C-3 lost an arm!"

"Oh, that's quite all right, once I find it it's an easy matter to reattach it." C-3PO interjected.

"What was I supposed to do? Watch from the sidelines as you jumped into a fray of sith rebels?"

"Yes!" Rey retorted. "I knew what I was doing, and it was under control until you swept in!"

"Oh, really?" Poe challenged, reaching to grab one of her arms so he could turn it to show the blaster marks there. "This is under control?"

Rey yanked her arm back. "They're just grazes, and yes." She added. "At least I had the situation contained until you split my attention!"

"We can handle ourselves." Poe retorted as Rey indicated to the still smoking speeder, that BB-8 and Chewbacca were trying to salvage. Poe knew she kinda had a point there, but he wasn't going to admit that, ever. "We're still alive, aren't we?"

"So that's a good enough excuse for you but not me?" Rey demanded. "You hypocritical gammorean - !"

"Rey!" Finn suddenly cut in from where he and R2-D2 had been searching for C-3PO's arm. If it had got to insults then he needed to step in, though he wasn't going to lie he was kind of grateful it wasn't him in the firing line for once. Rey and Poe turned to him and he almost bolted at the look in their eyes. Chewbacca roared with laughter. "Please can you help us look for C-3PO's arm, and Poe, help Chewy with the speeder." There was a whirling, clicking noise. "And BB-8, sorry buddy."

Poe and Rey turned back to each other, as if to say this wasn't over, before parting ways to go and help rather than arguing.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case you skipped here thinking I only posted one chapter this week, I recommend reading chapter 4 first. It's not essential though, but it will make more sense if you do.

* * *

Rey suddenly looked up as she felt something nudge her shoulder. Poe stood next to the chair she was in, swigging from his own bottle as he held out one for her. She didn't smile at him but she didn't scowl either, just accepted it and took a large sip. He took a seat next to her in the pilots chair.

"I don't forgive you." Rey stated firmly.

"I haven't forgiven you either." Poe retorted with an amused smirk, and Rey giggled once, forcing her to stop the sip she was about to take.

For a moment the cockpit was quiet, the only noises were the hum of the instruments and the sounds of drinking. "How close have you come to death?" Rey finally asked.

Poe considered the question. He'd been stabbed, shot and beaten during both his time in the rebel alliance and as a spice runner. "Probably the time I crashed my ship on Manaan, the flight almost killed me and the water almost finished me off." He figured. "I was out for a week as the selkath patched me back up."

"Do you remember anything?"

Poe thought for a while, it had been a long time ago. "Ghosts." He decided. "Flashes of the crash; sparks, pain, fire... panic." He admitted with another sip. "Afterwards, while I was out, it was like a dream, in a way. Old memories I barely remember warped into an unrecognisable maze of conflicting things. All the while it was like I was being pulled into this sinking darkness." He was picking at the bottle as he talked, before taking another drink and glancing at Rey as he did. She was curled up in her chair, arm slung over a knee and tapping her bottle restlessly against her leg. "But I couldn't recall anything specific now."

For a long while Rey didn't say or do anything, just absorbed and thought on what he said. "I heard voices." Poe shifted in his seat so he could face her more easily, but otherwise waited patiently for her to continue. She took a sharp drink. "I can't remember what they were saying anymore. I don't know if they were sending me back or beckoning me on."

There was a pause as Poe waited to see if she'd say anything else, before deciding she wasn't. "Does it matter?" He asked, and Rey gave him a confused look. "Does it matter what they were saying?"

"I... don't know." Rey admitted as she blinked away tears. "But if they were telling me to let go, to join them... Then Ben shouldn't have given his life for mine."

Poe frowned, he was definitely missing something. "These voices; you talk as though they're not just part of you..."

Rey looked tired and defeated before taking another sip before explaining. "A Jedi can use their connection to the Force to... communicate with those that came before. Palpatine took mine and Ben's life forces to regenerate himself, to have the strength to fight against him I had to call on those past Jedi. They gave me their strength, but they couldn't sustain me forever." She paused. "I... I actually died."

Poe knew what this was; survivors guilt. A common and understandable side effect of any dangerous situation in which someone loses their life. "So Kylo - I mean Ben - had to give all of his life force to save you?" He checked, and Rey nodded. "He would have known that, wouldn't he?"

Rey nodded, her face screwed up to stop her tears as she remembered the happy, relieved look on Ben's face after she kissed him. "But should he? Maybe it was supposed to be me? Maybe it was my time to go and his time to redeem himself."

Poe pushed his feelings on Kylo Ren redeeming himself to the side, he knew it wasn't so simple for Force sensitive individuals to resist the lure of evil, but that didn't mean he liked it. In his opinion Kylo Ren had redeemed himself by saving Rey and in doing so paid the correct price for the rest of his actions. Poe wasn't sure if he believed that everyone had their 'time' as Rey put it, but that was also irrelevant. "Maybe I have this wrong, but don't Jedi become one with the Force when they die? Their bodies... become Force?"

Rey almost giggled at his poor description. "Essentially."

"Then why did Ben have time to save you? He couldn't have brought you back if..." Poe trailed off, his voice not stable enough to voice that horrible thought; of Rey gone forever.

Rey considered this, about to suggest she wasn't enough of a Jedi to become one with the Force, but Ben had, within moments and practically within her arms. Maybe Poe was right, maybe it hadn't been her time, maybe Ben had needed to save her to prove who he really was. "Maybe you're right." She finally agreed, in a voice so quiet Poe almost missed it, and only heard it because he was patient enough to wait for her to decide what she needed. "But it still doesn't feel... right."

Poe sighed. "It never feels right when someone else dies for us." He reminded her, and she nodded to herself and he lifted his bottle. "To all we lost to get here, we will never forget what we owe them." He suggested as a toast, and Rey leant forward enough to clink her own bottle against his before they both took hefty swigs.

They drank in silence for a while, both lost in the stars around them and their own thoughts. "Gammorean what?" Poe finally asked.

"What?" Rey asked as if he had lost his mind.

"You were going to call me a gammorean something or other? What was it?"

Rey was suspicious. "Why do you want to know?"

"I need to know if I need to reach you better insults."

Rey laughed. "That's... probably true." She admitted taking another sip, and Poe gave her a pointed look. "Gammorean brained bantha poo-do."

Poe couldn't help but laugh. "I definitely need to teach you how to insult people properly." He decided.

"Even if that includes you?"

"Especially if it includes me." Poe corrected. "I'm worth only the best insults." Rey laughed properly for the first time in a long while as Poe set to teaching her how soldiers - and outcasts - insulted people properly.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

He found her in the med bay - though it was hardly big enough to be called a bay - sat cross-legged on the bed and staring at a pair of lightsabres she'd placed on it.

"Am I interrupting?" Poe asked carefully.

Rey shook her head tiredly. "No." She admitted, looking up. Still covered in ash, bruises and tiny cuts from their earlier fight with some bandits - Poe imagined he looked to be in a similar mess - but the large gash from a vibroblade on her leg had been healed at least. "Are you okay?" She asked.

"Came for a medpac." He admitted, making his way into the room properly to rummage through cupboards to find what he was looking for. Hanging his jacket up on... something so he could apply the medpac onto the wound on his ribs. Rey frowned at the injury. "It's not as bad as it looks." Poe promised.

"You shouldn't hide your injuries, we can't help if we don't know."

"I could say the same to you." Poe reminded her, teeth gritted at the familiar sting of kolto accelerated healing. Rey dropped her gaze. "Sorry, that was uncalled for."

"No, you're right." She admitted softly. A familiar silence fell between them as Poe inspected what was left of his injury, before grabbing gauze, antiseptic and sticking plaster so he could bind up the shallow cut that was left. "Do you want help?" Rey asked.

"No, I'm good." Poe retorted. "Besides, you probably have cold fingers." He teased, making her laugh as he rolled up his undershirt enough to apply the gauze and sticking tape.

"Because we can't have the big, brave General Poe Dameron squealing at someone's cold fingers, can we?"

"Exactly." Poe agreed, knowing full well she was mocking him, but it made her smile, and she needed that right now. Besides, they both knew he wasn't as full of himself as he liked to act.

He had started tidying up when she finally spoke again. "Do you know who these belong to?" She suddenly asked, indicating the lightsabres before her.

"Isn't this the one Master Skywalker gave to you?" Poe asked, indicating to one.

Rey nodded. "He gave both of them to me, but this one belong to General Organa." She explained, then sighed. "I used my connection with Ben to give it to him so he could help me on Exegol." She added. "I don't even know how that worked, we could communicate between planets in our minds - as if we were in the same room -, even exchange physical items. I... It's strange that it's not there any more."

Poe could barely imagine that level of closeness, no intimacy was probably closer. To be in someone's mind so strongly it was like a physical presence. He pulled on his jacket again as he moved a bit closer. "Strange good or strange bad?" He asked.

Rey looked up with big, fearful eyes. "I don't know." She admitted. "At first it wasn't bad, I thought I was bringing him to the light, then he betrayed me and used it to try and lure me to the dark. That felt like an abuse, but in retrospect no worse than what I did to him. But then, in the end, that connection saved me. It always let me see Ben and not Kylo."

"You miss him." It wasn't an accusation, and Poe even surprised himself that he was able to say that so gently.

Rey nodded. "I... I think I loved him." She finally admitted with tears in her eyes.

Poe managed to resist the sigh he wanted to give out at that. He had suspected, but now she had confirmed it. This was why she refused to talk to Finn. They all know Finn was sweet on her - especially after his almost confession - she didn't want to hurt him and certainly didn't want to find out his reaction to finding out she fell for someone like Kylo Ren. "I think he might have done too." Poe eventually agreed. "He gave his life for you after all."

"I know." Rey admitted, quickly wiping her face with a hand. Not quite sure why she was finally saying all this, or to Poe of all people, but now she had started she couldn't stop. "When he brought me back, I was in his arms, it felt... right. I kissed him." Even though she was almost crying she couldn't stop the small blush gracing her cheeks at the admission. "He looked so happy, relieved. Then... then his strength gave out, and he..." She couldn't voice it. The way he had gone from so happy and content in one instant to pain and defeated as he died. It had all happened so suddenly.

Poe crouched at the foot of the bed, so she had to look at him, and placed a hand on her arm. "I don't think he regretted a thing." He assured her. "I know that doesn't help, and it won't stop you hurting." He added. "But sometimes we have to find comfort where we can, and maybe one day, you'll stop associating that happy moment with the sad ones."

"I hope so." Rey agreed. "But they're... intertwined." Poe nodded sadly. She wiped away her tears again. "Have you ever lost someone you loved?"

Poe nodded. "But I never had a connection like that." He admitted. "Even if you'd still been enemies at the end, I think you'd have been mourning him too."

"Maybe." Rey half agreed, she knew he had a point, but she honestly couldn't say if he was right or not. "Does it ever stop hurting?" She didn't need to ask if it got easier, she'd already had long enough to know that.

"Not exactly." Poe admitted. "But eventually it becomes possible to remember the good rather than the bad." He explained, Rey nodded, but they both knew that might not apply in this case. However, they both knew he could only comment on his own experiences.

After another moment Rey had managed to stop her tears, and Poe released her arm as he stood back up. He turned to continue tidying up and in the short space of time it took him to finish and turn back around Rey was nodding to herself. "I think I want my own lightsabre." She decided, looking back up at him.

He recognised that look, a turning point, as if to say it's time to stop holding on. The fall might be worse, but you'd decided you were strong enough to find out.

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

This was possibly the first time in months that they'd actually had time to do nothing.  
  
They had come to Dantooine for legendary caves that contained the crystals used in lightsabres - according to Rey anyway, and even though she'd shown them a tome on it, they'd all just trusted her on it. She had directed them to the ruins of a Jedi compound from aeons ago that they could use as a landing pad. They probably would have enjoyed the hike across the Khoonda plains if it weren't for the kath hounds and kinrath, the caves themselves not so much as they fought through hordes of kinrath whilst collecting crystals.  
  
Once they'd got their haul Rey had retreated into the ruins to meditate with them - apparently another important aspect, but as they knew nothing about the process they took her word for it - which had left the rest of them at a loose end.  
  
Chewbacca had decided he could have some good fun hunting down kath hounds. R2-D2, BB-8 and D-O had gone exploring as C-3PO fussed over them all. That left Poe and Finn, they'd done a once over of their systems and supplies before deciding that even they couldn't make work today.  
  
They explored the ruins a bit - making sure they went in the opposite direction Rey had so as not to disturb her - before finding what looked like it had once been a training area, and so had set up a variety of blaster targets. What followed had become a good-natured, competitive banter session as they tried to outdo each other.  
  
Poe had called it quits when they nearly caused a landslide of rubble after using a barely stable wall to jump off. Knowing that they were just the wrong side of competitive to remember to tone it down a bit and leaving Finn to continue practising, not that he really needed to. Which was how he found himself lying on the top of the Millennium Falcon, enjoying the sun on a planet that wasn't far too hot for once.  
  
He hadn't realised he'd dozed off until he was snapped out of it when he heard a pointed cough. Blinking his eyes open to adjust to the sunlight he turned to the source, and found Rey halfway up, her feet still in a couple of makeshift footholds and her arms crossed in front of her on the hull. He smiled a greeting and she raised a pointed eyebrow at him. For a moment he was thoroughly confused, before remembering he'd shucked his jacket and undershirt and quickly grabbed the latter to pull it back on. "I bring you to an ancient, **sacred** Jedi enclave and your response is to strip off?" She teased, pushing herself up the last little bit to join him.  
  
Poe blanched, she hadn't mentioned anything about his place being sacred before. "I... I didn't..." He started trying - and failing - to articulate an appropriate apology but Rey couldn't hold her laughter in any more. "You're messing with me?"  
  
She nodded as she sat down nearby. "Not sacred, just a standard training compound. They maintained it so that they had access to the caves."  
  
"Why not build it nearer then?"  
  
Rey shrugged. "No idea, maybe someone else owned the land? There used to be a whole settlement here, before it got bombed centuries ago. There's been various settlements since, but not around here."  
  
"I didn't know you knew much history."  
  
"I don't, or at least, I didn't. Not before my Jedi training." Rey admitted. "Master Skywalker and General Organa both left dozens of tomes behind, and they include everything from techniques, schematics and history of the order. Some of it sticks."  
  
Poe nodded to himself, that made sense. "So, did you get the crystals you were after?"  
  
Rey nodded. "I've even selected the ones best attuned to my abilities and nature." She explained, and Poe gave her a confused look. "That was why I needed to meditate with them, to find out which ones resonate to me and which ones are best suited to others - because each one has different properties - otherwise it would be like handing a Wookiee bowcaster to someone trained in pistols." Poe figured that made sense as he nodded carefully. "Why did you let me just off and do this if you didn't know why?" Rey asked, clearly curious and confused.  
  
Poe shrugged, managing to resist rubbing the back of his neck. "We trust you, if you say that's what you need to do, then it's what you need to do." A look of surprise flickered over Rey's face before she schooled it back into neutral, and it suddenly occurred to Poe that she thought he'd jumped into a fray she considered under control was because he didn't trust her, not because he was worried. Shit. "We all trust you. I trust you." He suddenly found himself saying. "That incident with the speeder... I was trying to stop you getting hurt, or worse."  
  
Rey was quiet for a long moment. "Yeah, I get that." She admitted quietly, and somehow, Poe knew that she was talking about that same argument.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cinn: At this point I think I should start giving bonus points to people getting the large amount of references I seem to have included. Don't know what those points go towards though...

* * *

"Does anyone have a plan?" Finn asked as they backed up.

" _Kill them all!_ " Chewbacca roared as his back hit Finn's.

"I'm all open for ideas on how to do that!" Poe retorted as he bumped into Finn & Chewbacca's sides.

"Don't die!" Rey retorted as she backed up into Finn and Chewbacca's other side, her new yellow coloured lightsabre raised in readiness.

The four of them waited, thought and watched the approaches for the sith rebels they'd happened upon. Ears alert for anything beyond the sound of their heavy breathing and the sound of nature. Rey taking a steadying breath as she closed her eyes and attempted to clear her mind to cast out all her senses.

"Okay, I have a crazy plan." Finn announced.

"Right now, I'll take crazy." Poe agreed and Chewbacca roared an agreement.

"Rey, climb on Chewy's shoulders, you can shoot as he charges, creating chaos and destruction that distracts them as Poe and I take them out." Finn explained.

"Not **that** crazy!" Poe corrected firmly.

"I have a slightly less crazy plan!" Rey interjected.

"I'd be worried if it was more crazy." Poe admitted, luckily for him neither Finn or Rey had time to spare him a glare as Chewbacca roared in amusement.

"I've never done it for this many before, but I can deflect their shots with the Force, letting you guys take them out as I protect you. We'll need to keep moving though..." Rey explained as the large group of Sith rebels they'd accidentally stumbled upon arrived.

"Get in the middle, we'll guide you as we move." Poe ordered and given the situation none of them joked at the fact that Rey obeyed without comment.

With their only alternative plan the mayhem of a Jedi riding a charging Wookiee, they did as she said. They braced themselves as Rey took a breath and focused, this wasn't going to be easy, but they'd be damned if they went down without one hell of a fight.

Rey was used to deflecting single shots and redirecting them to specific targets, she had to let go of that urge, and just deflect the dangerous ones far enough that they became safe. She wouldn't be as useful offensively, but her defensive capabilities would significantly increase, and she trusted her friends, they were good fighters.

By now they had become accustomed to fighting alongside Rey's Force powers, though none of them would say they were used to seeing an energy bolt coming towards them and expecting it to change direction. All three of them had to focus on their shots rather than instinctively ducking and dodging out of the way. They trusted Rey, of course they did, but it took a certain amount of trust, willpower and focus to ignore such pervasive instincts, the instincts that had kept them alive until now.

For the most part the only sound their group made was Chewbacca's roaring, with Poe and Finn occasionally shouting a direction or warning, whilst their opponents frantically issued orders and commands between them as they tried to find a way to get through Rey's Force bending, their shots unpredictably bouncing harmlessly away from their targets with the exception of the occasional glancing blow.

Finally the noise died down, as Rey opened her eyes as her Force senses could no longer feel danger, and all they could hear was heavy breathing as all four of them looked around as if they couldn't believe that was it. Was it really over?

Poe was in the middle of sending Chewbacca to scout the few approaches to double check when Finn fell to the floor. Rey was next to him in an instant checking for wounds, finding one down the outside of one leg, not life threatening but painful now the adrenaline of the fight had worn off. A flash of worried upset crossed the Jedi's face as she rummaged through Finn's utility belt in search of a medpac, finding one and effortlessly applying it.

Poe snapped out of watching the scene as Chewbacca returned with a brief report on their surroundings, they were safe, for now. Poe nodded his thanks and the wookiee returned the gesture before both turned back to their friends. The realisation sinking in for Poe that the uneasy feeling in his gut wasn't worry, he knew worry, he was familiar with worry. No, this was jealousy watching Rey care for someone else.

Poe swallowed the realisation down, locking it as deeply away as he could, that he cared for Rey too much.

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cinn: Because I ended up going through and updating a bunch of chapter info and tags etc I figured I might as well post the last chapter today as well.

* * *

"You did it!" Finn cheered ecstatically as Rey arrived back in the common area of the Falcon, dropping her gear as she allowed her exhaustion to show. Finn scooped her up into a hug. "You amazing, wonderful -" He trailed off with a grunt of approval as she giggled, kissing her cheek. Then suddenly sobered up and dropped her to the floor. "You're not injured?"

"Barely a scratch." Rey confirmed, laughing as Finn let off a yodelling cheer and Chewbacca roared along with him, before sweeping her up into another laughing hug.

Moments later they both spotted Poe leaning in the doorway and sobered up again as Rey turned to him a mixture of sheepish and defiant. Before he just nodded with half a smile. "Good job." He praised.

"You aren't going to shout at me?" Rey checked, surprised.

"I can if you want me to, otherwise just enjoy it." Poe retorted and the two stubborn people shared a wry grin as he turned back to the cockpit.

"Jedi can drink, right? This calls for a celebration!" Finn cut in.

"One drink." Rey agreed firmly. "Encourage me to have more and I'll tip it over your head." She warned.

" _Don't waste good ale!_ " Chewbacca growled.

Rey was pretty certain that Finn, and possibly Chewbacca, just wanted an excuse to celebrate. It wasn't even that critical a mission, it had been risky, but not overly so. But they'd had a few losses recently so a good win felt especially good again. So when the soldier and wookiee set to sharing old stories and attempting to beat each other at a series of games that C-3PO felt the need to referee and R2-D2 join in with, she just let it happen as she nursed her ale with BB-8 and D-O. The latter was just about comfortable with their ragtag group now, but still got nervous around loud noises. Such as a wookiee tackling an ex stormtrooper.

Rey hid her smile by taking a sip of her ale as she shook her head as she observed the common room. Then she realised that they were one short, and frowned to herself. BB-8 noticed and whirled a response, making Rey turn to the droid and raise an eyebrow, but BB-8 simply nudged into her. "All right, all right." She agreed, pretending to be annoyed at the droid goading her into trying to get Poe to join in.

In truth, she didn't want them to have a celebration without him, even if they sometimes had to remind him the word fun existed. Her lips twitched slightly as she fought her smile as she grabbed another bottle and made her way to the cockpit.

She found him in the pilot seat staring out at the stars; his quiet place. As she dangled the bottle in his line of sight she remembered when he'd done this to her as a peace offering. His eyes travelled from focusing on the bottle in his face up her arm to see who'd come looking for him, smiling at her as he took the drink. Rey returned it and slipped into the copilot's seat. "You're missing a party."

Poe half smiled. "I thought that was a wookiee war cry." He retorted.

Rey chuckled. "They were wrestling when I left." She admitted, and Poe gave the corridor a concerned look. "C-3 is refereeing."

"I'm not sure that reassures me." Poe admitted.

"You want to go ref?" Rey checked. Poe chuckled, she had him there. A silence fell over them as they both stared at the stars as they nursed their drinks. "You don't want to join?"

Poe didn't look at her, he didn't want to see what he'd find in her expression. She was still healing after Exegol, he couldn't get in the way of that, even unintentionally. He hadn't set out looking for romance, just caring for a friend. After realising how deep his feelings for her ran, he had taken a step back, pulling away to control their interactions. He couldn't risk disrupting their friendship when she needed it most, and he was too much of a coward to open himself up to his own heartbreak when he knew he'd see only friendship in her eyes. Best to mitigate early, before it was too late. "Peace and quiet seems preferable right now." He decided. "Maybe I'll join in a bit."

Rey knew he was trying to reassure her that he was okay, but she had noticed a recent reluctance he had developed to social interactions. Maybe she should ask Finn, but with his lack of tact she wasn't likely to find out anything else. She wished Rose was here, Rose was good at things like this. Instead she turned back to the view of deep space, it was peaceful, and then looked back towards the rowdy common room, and then back to where Poe was still not looking at her.

Rey realised that she'd rather be here. She missed Poe, even though she still saw him every day, but only on missions, only while working. She'd rather share his peace and quiet than umpire whatever new party game Finn and Chewbacca had come up with, the droids could deal with them, or at least one of them would come and find either her or Poe to sort it all out.

She settled down into her seat, rearranging herself for optimum comfort. Poe finally chanced a look at her, seeing her relaxed and settled in her seat as she took another sip made him smile, and he quickly turned back to the stars.

Since Exegol Rey had come to find the quiet moments like this with Poe comforting, but despite that she still felt restless as both her mind and fingers fidgeted. She knew she wasn't whole again, not by a long shot, but lately things hadn't felt so tough, that there was peace to be found, the metaphorical light at the end of the tunnel. So much of that had been due to Poe's quiet understanding, his patience and willingness to wait for her to approach him. The rest of their friends had helped, Finn's ability to make her laugh even when it wasn't his intent (once he'd taken a step back), Chewbacca's ever present strength and protection, the peace she found befriending D-O with BB-8, the little droid on a similar journey to herself. They were her family now, not the Palpatine line. Without them she'd never had got this far - certainly not this easily, and nothing about it had been easy so far - but it was only Poe who she had really let into the deeper parts.

Rey chanced a glance at Poe, who was paying her little heed and was still looking out at the stars. She turned back to them herself, they hadn't set off yet so for once they were still little pinpricks rather than blurs. She wasn't ready, wasn't healed enough for anything more than friendship. But when did life wait for you to be ready? Rey traced shapes in the stars as she tried to stop her mind entering a spin. Maybe it was simpler than she feared - and so much more complicated -, that she needed to stop being scared of the new feelings that were starting to grow, whilst accepting it wasn't the time the explore them. Fighting them was futile, but that didn't mean she had to let them control her either.

She was ready for a new chapter, as she searched for a particular speck of light. She shifted forward in her seat and pointed in it's general direction - to her best guess - with her bottle. "I need to go to Tatooine." Rey stated.

Poe turned to her before following where she was pointing. He almost asked why, but decided if he needed to know, she'd tell him. He nodded and started punching in coordinates.

Rey's expression flickered between surprised, soft, conflicted and peaceful, hiding it from Poe by turning back to the stars. Yes, it was time to let go of the past, to stop fighting it and accept it and embrace the pain as part of her now. Life went on, pain was a part of life and the Force required balance. It would be hard, but she had reached a turning point. She took another sip of her drink as she absentmindedly toyed with the lightsabre at her belt.

She had one last act of respect to perform, a proper send off, a door to close, a fate to meet and a life to live.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cinn: I always intended this fic to cover between the Exegol fight reunion and Rey on Tatooine, and it felt forced to bring them properly together in that time. I haven't ruled out a happier follow on from this yet. I hope you've all enjoyed the story and thank you for reading. :)


End file.
